Are You a Ghoster?

The New York Times recently reported on the phenomenon of “ghosting”amongst celebrities—the act of disappearing, even though you thought you had a relationship (familial, romantic or otherwise). Your calls aren’t answered, your texts, emails, nothing!

What did you do wrong? Don’t they care at all?

Raleigh Magazine talked with Raleigh psychologist Dr. Ann Waring and used her insights to create this quiz.

ARE YOU A GHOSTER?

1. After years of going to the same hairstylist you’ve decided to make a change and find someone new. Would you make the change without any explanation or conversation?

2. You forgot a long distance friend’s birthday; you know she is likely hurt maybe even mad. Do you avoid talking to her?

3. For weeks you’ve been busy and unable to meet a friend for coffee or lunch. She keeps asking; you don’t respond. She sends you an email saying she’s done with the friendship. Would your response be “Oh well, her loss”?

4. You miss work and your co-worker must stay late to cover for you. You know he/she is angry with you, do you find a reason to be angry with first?

5. You’ve been on five dates with someone but you’ve met someone new you really like. Do you disappear and stop taking calls and answering texts?

If you answered mainly yesses, you may be a GHOSTER! But don’t get too down on yourself. The term “Ghosting” may be relatively new, but the behavior’s not. Waring said Ghosters often believe they’re doing what’s best for everyone—avoiding conflict. Ghosters are often people pleasers who would rather disappear than disappoint, or they’re so terrified of loss that they’d rather do the leaving than be left. Ghosters often want to avoid conflict and anger at all costs.

“These are often people who have difficulty dealing with emotions, their own or someone else’s,” said Waring, who’s been in practice for more than 30 years. But the Ghostee often ends up even more upset than they would have been otherwise, left without closure for the relationship’s end.

Want to cure your Ghosting self? Consider learning about the behavior’s devastating effect on the Ghostee, who’s often left feeling inadequate and unable to move on to other relationships