Three’s Company
Polyamory becoming mainstream? Here’s what to know.
By Audrey Graves
Long displayed by mainstream media are classic tales of happily-ever-afters featuring two people, typically male and female, parading off into the sunset. And with mantras such as “two’s company, three’s a crowd” further cementing couplehood’s chokehold on society, anyone who doesn’t fit that heteronormative stereotype—from singles to throuples to the polycurious and beyond—has long lacked representation or affirmation.
Enter buzzword “polyamory” increasingly entering the national conversation—from The Cut’s “A Practical Guide to Modern Polyamory… for the Curious Couple” to provocative former Showtime TV series Polyamory: Married & Dating and 2024’s Couple to Throuple to sitcoms (s/o Riverdale and Bridgerton) and the podcast circuit (Normalising Non-Monogamy).
As the polycurious lifestyle seeps into the mainstream, a quick cheat sheet for the nonfamiliar: Polyamory translates to consensually nonmonogamous relationships—from the literal breakdown, where poly means “many;” and amory, “love.” And the community goes much deeper than the stigmatized “R-rated” sex/“swingers” aspect.
If it sounds fringe or foreign, there are more polycurious people than you might expect—read: 16.8% nationwide, with 1 in 5 Americans participating at some point in their lives. “For Raleigh’s size, the alternative lifestyle in this community is more active per capita than I’ve seen anywhere else,” notes Nookie, a Raleighite who practices polyamory in a hierarchical way—meaning she has one long-term “nesting” partner, along with multiple long-term partners (or “playmates”) and casual dates. And interest continues to pique locally, from the success of this year’s arguably first-ever large-scale sex-positive fest Bliss Boogie to a growing local community of active and openly polyamorous people.
“From the outside looking in, [the misconception is] it’s a very sex-oriented community. That’s not the truth,” observes Bliss Boogie mastermind Kai Baylis, who’s already working on the fest’s 2025 return. “One person you might connect with more on a physical level; another emotionally; and another mentally.”
Despite its less-conventional nature, like any relationship, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. “Polyamory is the ability to love multiple people,” explains Nookie. “It’s the same experience as exploring a new city or trying new foods. I’m seeing where people might fit into my life.”
Another buzzword, nonmonogamy, is the more broad definition of being open, regardless of relationship status. Essentially, you can be nonmonogamous without being polyamorous, but you can’t be polyamorous without being nonmonogamous.
“People are very unsettled in their marriages and in the concept of monogamy—there’s this disconnect,” observes Baylis. “People are restless and seeking something else.” … And, no, it’s not a passport to “cheating”—because, key word: consensual. Many in the nonmonogamous community operate by an ethical set of standards, namely an overall transparency about their lifestyle.
“The openness and freedom it offers [appealed to me],” says another polyamorous person we spoke to. “The amount of in-depth communication I experienced within a poly relationship was not like any of my monogamous relationships.”
It also offers the flexibility to build relationships with multiple partners and enhance communication skills for a healthy setup that works for everyone. “I think there’s a lot to learn from polyamory, even if you never have more than one partner,” notes a monogamous-turned-polyamorous-turned-monogamous person we spoke with. “I truly believe it has made me a better partner in my current monogamous relationship.”
Nonmonogamous relationships, though, do have the drawback of potential jealousy, according to a relationship expert we tapped for intel: “Emotions can run high when we see our significant other’s attraction to someone else in real-time.” And polyamory also obviously requires the added time and energy to navigate two or more partners’ emotions at once—not to mention preexisting social stigmas. “Particularly in the Southeast, there’s the classic: You’re a heathen,” jibes Baylis.
But “if it’s done in a healthy way, there’s something really beautiful about the challenge of having more than one partner and the depth you can reach,” reflects Baylis. So for “many”—aka poly—three (or more) may not be a crowd after all.
