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Election Aftermath

Election Aftermath

by | Jan 28, 2025 | Buzz, February 2025

This rant has been lightly edited for style and space and is not endorsed by Raleigh Magazine. 

During the aftermath of the election cycle, I have heard and read consistently that there is a need for people to seek mental health counseling to help cope with the results. I am left with a resounding question: When did we become so weak as a nation that we can’t cope with the results of an election? 

Our state is such that we live in a free society, where all who are not criminals and are of age have an opportunity to participate in election cycles. Our heritage is that of those brave enough to leave all they knew of home to cross an ocean in search of a better life. 

The stock of those who fought wars to solidify freedom in a new land far from oppressors of old. A people who painstakingly fought to reverse course and correct the error and atrocities of slavery. A nation able to recognize during times of crisis such as 9/11 that we can work together when reminded of our common humanity and frailty. In such times we find great strength.

Truly, we don’t need therapists to cope with an election result. North Carolinians, American people: We are better than that. We are stronger than that. Reader: You are better than that. You are stronger than that. 

So, while I rant about the absurdity of the notion that we need therapists to cope with election results, I rave about the strength we have—and that we must remember. 

—Antonio

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This Valentine’s Day: Make a Pact

This Valentine’s Day: Make a Pact

by | Feb 2, 2016 | Do, February 2016

Pact: How it’s different

TRADITIONAL

PACT

Talk about the problem (“He just goes to sleep when he’s tired! He doesn’t say goodnight.”)

Psychodrama, also known as
re-enactments. Why? Because memory kicks in better when you’re in the same state (ex: standing, walking) as the incident you’re describing.

Address the therapist

Address each other

Therapist notices unhappy-looking husband as wife talks and asks
husband, “Did that bother you?”

Therapist notices same thing, but says to the wife, “Looks like he didn’t like that comment” to
facilitate a conversation.

Often aims to solve
one particular problem.

Aims to make the relationship stronger, because that one problem (you don’t discipline the kids, you let the dog on the bed) is often a consequence of something else.

Examines content
(what happened and what was said).

Gets partners to learn
and know each other better.

$160 for a 45-min
individual session.

$200 for a 2-hour session
for both partners.

The “Session”

Dr. Susan Orenstein sent me a warning email. Just to be clear, she wrote, she wouldn’t be doing true couples counseling with me and my husband.

After all, things can quickly get deep and personal. And we had a professional writer-source relationship to keep. Instead, we’d follow a model. Keep the conversation light. (Maybe one step above cap-off-the-toothpaste talk.) And shrink the session from 90 minutes to 30. That’s how I’d learn about a new type of counseling called PACT, or the psychobiological approach to couples therapy.

When we got to the office, though, I assured her that I wasn’t afraid to counsel and tell. Writers share all the time. Right? I turned to my husband and asked him how he felt about going through a session about us and letting me loose at my keyboard.

Hubby said it was fine. Unknowingly, we’d followed rule #1 of PACT.

Doc: One tenet is that couples protect each other in public and private. You asked him what his limits were; that’s a good thing.

Me: Yay. One point for me.

Doc: A point for the two of you together.

There it was. I wanted a score. But hubby wasn’t my opponent. And Orenstein wasn’t our referee.

She coached us off the couch and into two rolling chairs. That’s the deal with PACT; couples are supposed to move. And, awkwardly enough, they’re supposed to face each other, look silently and then describe their partner’s face. Giggles that first minute, sure. But then it settled. We described one another’s faces. (My eyes are round, btw. His? Like fall leaves. I know. You expected better.)

It’s called eye-gazing. While you may remember it from dating, it’s rare in marriage. When PACT gets people to gaze, the goal is mindfulness and experiencing the moment.

The next step, which we skipped, is often for couples to tell their family histories to each other. The whole process is about connection.

“It’s important that couples are saying that to each other, instead of to a therapist,” Orenstein says. “I think what I used to do, and what a lot of therapists do, is meet with partners individually and form a strong relationship where partners trust the therapist. But, with PACT, I want them to trust each other.”

How pact works

This kind of counseling is psychobiological—not just psychological. It uses the subcortical parts of the brain. Think: nervous system and body signals. In PACT, therapists focus on moment-to-moment shifts in face, body and voice and ask couples to pay attention to these.

Dr. Susan Orenstein

Dr. Susan Orenstein