Tattooed Heart

Is permanent ink a jinx or the mark of lasting love?

Pete Davidson’s and Ariana Grande’s multitude of matching ink jobs. Johnny Depp’s notorious upper-right-arm “Winona Forever” stamp. Miley Cyrus’ and Liam Hemsworth’s identical quote tats. The list persists of famous people who’ve permanently inked together and split. 

But for every Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas, there’s a Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. A Steph and Ayesha Curry. … And beyond those in the limelight, couples all over (not to mention friends, family members and co-workers) have elected to mark their lasting dedication to one another via permanent ink—on their bodies. But the decision to take your love beyond skin deep sticks, which leaves us to wonder: Are matching tats the mark of forever love and companionship or the kiss of death? 

First things first: Tattoos are permanent—or extremely costly and time-consuming to remove. As for relationships… not so much. And research shows people make the decision to mark up for myriad reasons: increased confidence, amplifying their uniqueness, or showcasing a significant concept or person. 

Per Viren Swami, a social psychologist featured in The Cut, tattoos can serve to highlight the value of a relationship—so much so that “it involves permanence and pain.” Past the initial ouch of a tat, Swami speculates that inking up poses the potential of bettering relationships. 

“One of the things we find in our research is that getting a tattoo has an impact on the individual. People who get their first tattoo have more positive body image afterward,” he says in The Cut’s article on the subject. “I suspect something similar might happen in relationships with couples who get matching tattoos. The fact you share this experience, you’ve gone through the process of getting tattooed together, you might feel more intimate and might feel closer to your partner as a result.” No pain, no lasting relationship, right? … Right? 

But while a tattoo can stimulate closeness in couples while they’re together, lasting love is never guaranteed. And this is something several local tattooers have observed throughout their time in the industry. “I’ve covered up about as many couples’ tattoos as I’ve put on,” says Jessica Boyle of Raleigh’s Conspiracy Ink Tattoos. “[The tattoos] were mostly names, something indicative of an inside joke or object-oriented.” 

The tattoo artist, whose craft dates back to the early 2000s, has noticed a significant downturn in demand for matching couple tattoos—as opposed to other lasting symbols of love.

“Folks finally got wise and started doing a lot more sibling pieces, memorial tattoos and pet stuff,” she says—adding that paired-up partner ink pursuits tend to lean younger, and often in relatively new relationships.

“I was taught having a significant other tattooed on you was the kiss of death—and that it’s tempting fate,” she shares, noting that most couple tats requested these days are either objects or wedding bands. “I don’t miss giving significant others’ names. It doesn’t feel great, and most times you can’t talk someone out of it. It’s better to see people do things that are more flexible, [considering] the unexpected twists and turns of life.” 

Fellow local tattoo artist Ember Seaman of Mad Ethel’s Tattoo and Body Piercing concurs with the notion. “It’s an old adage that getting [a couple’s tattoo] is the death of the relationship,” she says. “But most people date more than one person in their lifetime—so it might not have anything to do with the tattoo. That’s just the way life is.” 

Regardless of relationship status, tattoos are serious business—and the effects go far beyond skin deep. In both Seaman’s and Boyle’s seasoned careers, tattoos aren’t all sunshine and butterflies (literally). Some requests are cause for pause (see “Ethical Ink”). Others are semi-full-circle moments. 

To wit, Seaman has seen customers return to cover up their tattoos—whether it’s negatively affecting a new relationship or they just want it gone. “It takes a long time to decide to spend the money on a cover-up or removal,” notes the seasoned tattooer. Many times, she will cover a person’s name or initials with flowers or another item that will fit the original design best. 

When deciding how to spotlight dedication to their romantic partner, in the end it’s up to the person picking whether or not they want to permanently brand their boo’s name on their bod. “When getting a couple’s tattoo, it’s a good consideration to not put someone’s name, birthday or initials,” advises Seaman. “Instead, do something symbolic that is meaningful to you and pretty to the rest of the world.” …

So, ultimately, the question isn’t whether or not a couple’s tat is the kiss of death, but maybe what has staying power for permanent ink—and making sure it’s something you can live with long after they’re gone. 

According to a recent study by Pew Research, ~24% of Americans can’t claim #noragrets (not even a single letter) when it comes to a tattoo. But opting to take off that tat can be more costly than the constant aesthetic reminder. 

COST OF (NON) LONG-LASTING LOVE?
Board-certified dermatologist Dr. Bruce Katz notes removing a tattoo can amass a price tag ranging from $500–$2,000 per session. And the cost and number of sessions needed to remove the ink depend on a number of factors, including the size and colors of the tattoo in question. 

Ethical Ink

Itching to go further on the subject? In some instances, tattoo requests can involve more serious underlying issues such as abuse or unhealthy power dynamics that cause a tattoo artist to pause and thoughtfully express concern before proceeding to ink. Here, a story from local tattooer Jessica Boyle on a couple seeking a tattoo cover-up that caused her pause. 

“A young couple came into my busy street shop in the early 2000s to cover an existing name tattoo on the lady. The man with her did most of the talking (this is almost always a red flag), was paying for the tattoo and wanted his female companion to cover her old partner’s name with his own. The existing tattoo was about 2.5-by-.75 inches. My client’s companion wanted me to cover it with his name in giant, solid black letters that would span her back from shoulder blade to shoulder blade—with each letter ~3 inches tall.  

Somehow, I managed to get the girl into my office with the door shut, and I told her exactly what I thought—it was a terrible plan, it would be almost impossible to cover up in the future, and I didn’t think it was something she really wanted to sign up for. And she agreed. I suggested we use a feather instead of the lettering (small, effective and name-free) and she was on board.

After our discussion, I shared my recommendation with the boyfriend, using time and money as the motivator. Thankfully, he didn’t offer much pushback, and we did her cover-up with the feather instead. It was difficult to navigate in the moment. But, ethically, I couldn’t agree to and execute the original request. All these years later, I am still relieved I was able to find a better way for her.”
—Jessica Boyle, Conspiracy Ink Tattoo

Local Testimonials

Cue the social experiment. We tapped Raleighites with matching couple tats for intel on the status of their post-ink relationship.

“My husband and I got *almost* matching tattoos before our wedding! We still love them and each other. 😍”

“I have a matching tattoo with an ex. No regret for getting it. It has good memories attached!”

“My husband and I got one for our 10-year wedding anniversary. We recently celebrated 15 years.”

“My now-husband and I got matching Harry Potter tattoos before we were officially dating. It worked out. 🤪😂”

“My ex-husband and I got matching tattoos three years after we got divorced. 🤣 We didn’t go into it with that idea, but I liked how the artist drew it, so I asked if I could get it too.”

“My husband and I got matching tattoos on our five-year wedding anniversary last year. 💘”

“My wife and I have a few. We both have the logo of a band, one of flash art and Casper the Friendly Ghost for our son.”

“I have multiple with my husband. The first one was when we were engaged ~17 years ago. We have at least three more now.”

“I took a trip to LA, and my new boyfriend at the time joined me by surprise. We got tattoos, but they didn’t match. We aren’t together [anymore], but there’s no ill will. He’s a great guy. I still look at my tattoo fondly.”