Swipe Life

by Melissa Howsam | Mar 28, 2023 | April 2023, Arts & Culture

A decade of dating apps has forever changed the way we pursue relationships.

Left, left… left, right, left. It’s not the military cadence. It’s how thousands while away their days doomscrolling—er, swiping—hoping to find the one (or the one for now) as they navigate through a barrage of would-be mates, bots, catfishes and ghosts. 

Enter app life. Last September, Tinder turned 10 (ironically the “tin” anniversary)—and in that decade, Tinder and the cortège of dating apps have completely changed the culture of dating. And, now, for many (myself included), their longest relationship since the advent of the app is with the app itself (happy tin anny!). And while dating has no doubt taken a hit post-pandemic—apps have exponentially catapulted in popularity. Also, for the record, Tinder is by far the most popular pref in the U.S. 

It may or may not shock you to learn Raleigh was recently ranked the 9th Worst City to Move to if You Want to Fall in Love for large metros based on an analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau against such metrics as gender balance of single adults, divorce rate, food and entertainment businesses per capita, and more. (If you’re looking to up your odds, start California dreamin’—as the top three large metro locales were held by sunny Golden State cities.) 

But not all hope is lost. The number of never-marrieds has risen rapidly in recent years—and many of those singles are concentrated in the Southeast. So we took it to the pros and chatted up NC’s resident relationship expert Elizabeth Overstreet. Featured in The New York Times, and on the likes of ABC, CBS, NBC, among others, the Raleigh-based author, motivational speaker and relationship coach—who partners with singles, couples and even companies—is a trusted love and relationship strategist “who keeps things real,” she says, and is known for curating practical roadmaps for happier, more satisfying relationships with others—and yourself. 

While the super-modern app life may not be for everyone (can we please just meet organically in the wine aisle… or a bookstore a la Notting Hill!), “if you’re single, don’t despair,” says Overstreet. “It’s not necessarily a bad place to be—and you’re in good company.” In fact, according to Pew Research, 1 in 3 people are single, she notes—and, ahem, those aren’t bad odds. “People are opting to remain single and practice more conscious dating,” she adds. But, if you’re looking to get out there and connect with the right person, Overstreet is here with the tips—including how to meet in the wild. And, for a leg up, we amassed mod dating lingo to help you navigate it all, plus a slew of meet-cute (or meet-repulse) stories and scaries you’re gonna wanna swipe right on.

Tips for App Success

• Don’t be afraid to put out what you want upfront. It saves you time and energy from aligning with someone who isn’t on the same page. Do you want a committed relationship? Kids? Are you a spiritual person? Animal lover? Dating success hinges on closing doors to people who aren’t on the same page.
• Put effort into your profile pictures.Think about the impression you want to make. Love to travel? Highlight that vacay pic. Enjoy community? Show off yourself volunteering. Adrenaline junky? Share those skydiving, scuba diving and snowboarding pics. Profile pics send a subliminal message about who we are and how we show up—this is your chance to shoot your shot and draw in someone who aligns with or complements who you are as a person. Don’t waste your opportunity to shine!
• Find the app that fits who you are and what you want. There are tons of apps related to you being spiritual, open or casual in your dating; committed; open to LDRs; and so much more. Bottom line: Fewer apps are more. Choose the dating app that suits what you want to get out of your dating experience!

3 Tips for Meeting People in Real Life

“I get the value of dating apps—it broadens your options and a chance to prescreen people. But don’t forget about meeting people in real life too! Sometimes we are so consumed with getting stuck in one way of doing things that we miss the opportunity to connect with people IRL.” —Elizabeth Overstreet

• You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. “My mother would always say this—and she was so right. I watched her repeatedly build relationships with even the most difficult people by being kind and thoughtful,” says Overstreet. Translation: Compliments can open lots of doors, especially when it comes to finding love. They should be genuine, thoughtful and even simple. Bonus tip: Men are rarely given a compliment, so when you genuinely provide one, watch what happens. 
• Ask for help. If you’re at your local grocery store, gym, etc., asking for assistance with a friendly smile and demeanor can be a great way to jump-start conversation. Men love to be helpful. And with the shift in culture—“and while I appreciate feminism,” says Overstreet—this is an often underutilized feminine trait that is still an effective lure. 
• Do things you like doing. Because when you’re living your best life and enjoying it, that is very attractive. People want to be with people who are happy. When you align with someone in these spaces, it’s a natural connection, and the person on the other side possibly shares a similar interest. Good places to meet people include meetup events, museums, fundraisers, community events, festivals, sporting events, etc.

Profile Faux Pas

• Fish pics
• Covering your face 
• Duck faces
• Thirst traps
• No bio
• All group pics
• Rant/rage bios
• Single-parent shaming
• “Why are you still single”
• Gym selfies
• Lists of demands
• Ego
• Bathroom selfies
• Snapchat filters 
• Bigotry (obv)
• Sexism (obv)
• Ex shots 
• One or no photo(s)
• “DTF”
• Self-proclaimed F-boys

Date Different

Spice up date night with these unique local date ideas.

Get outside
NCMA Park: Park it on the Ellipse lawn or take an artastic stroll.

Quiet convo
Vita Vite: Uncork romance over a bottle and some charcuterie.

Go wild
Wild Turkey Lounge @ Angus Barn: Leather banquettes and bourbon make first impressions gravy.

Get high
The Willard: Take date night to new heights with views for days.

Get Ballsy
Sharky’s: Rack ’em up, Buttercup—flirty competition has entered the chat.

Tee it up
Drive Shack: Let your date know you can par-tee—loser picks up the tab!

Go underground
Foundation: Nothing tells your date you like them like hiding them underground.

Game on
Boxcar: It’s giving nostalgic high-school date when mom dropped you off three blocks away.

From success stories to horror stories, we shine a bright light on local dating life

Authentically Ageist and Sexist
Too-good-to-be-true date turns south when he asks if she wants kids and shames her for saying yes because “you’re 30!”
Matched Bumble
First met Dos Taquitos, dinner
Status Blocked

Second Time’s the Charm
First date dud-turned-second date chance-turned-lifer
Matched eHarmony
First “first date” Wild Wing Cafe, drinks
Second “first date” Piedmont, dinner
Status Married with 1 kid, 1 dog, 1 cat

Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Pitched a doubly dangerous all-day remote rock climb 
Matched Hinge
Ghosted 👻 @ American Tobacco Trail

Pain Med-Head Kittenfish-Turned-Stalker
Gaslighting charmer faked an arm injury to justify an opioid addiction and didn’t go gently into the night.
Matched Hinge
First met NOFO, brunch
Status Blocked 

Evanga-Dating
Seeking a “nice girl,” so literally lied about his religion and made up elaborate fake testimony
Matched Hinge
First met Two Roosters, ice cream
Status Nope

Creeper Status
He “swung by” her workplace to see her through the window before “meeting.”
Matched Hinge
Status Blocked

Catfish Creep 
Emotional texter builds relationship then ghosts because the “single dad from Cary” is really a “married woman from South Carolina.” 
Matched OkCupid
Ghosted 👻 @ Paddy O’Beers

Flight Risk 
Temporary resident not looking to lay down roots or commute—or for a wife, fur child or human child 
Matched Tinder
First met Pickled Onion, drinks
Status Married with rescue dog and baby 

Hookup-Turned-Hubby
Two not-looking-for-love lovebirds matched to find they lived on the same private street—and now same home.
Matched Tinder
First met Lynnwood Grill, drinks
Status Just married with blended dog fam

Forever Single No More
Shy guy with post-30YO first kiss and no serious relationship unearths soulmate.
Matched Tinder
First met The Durham Hotel rooftop, drinks
Status Married with blended dog fam 

Dating Wrapped

Apps are at once full of promise and vapid—period—giving just enough hope to keep you swiping and just enough cringe encounters to keep you nauseous. And it’s a universal experience. So much so that in December, #DatingWrapped—a play on Spotify Wrapped—went viral on TikTok as users shared common dating experiences. Think # of dates, app they met on, $ spent, where they went, random horror stories, number of cries and blocks, kiss captures, who ended things/how, and tips—“I’d rather buy my father lingerie than get back on Facebook dating,” said one viral post. The takeaway: It’s a shared experience—and all swipers were left feeling less loneliness and dread. Worth the dive.