The holiday season is here, and for most that means spending quality time with family, friends and loved ones. But, for some, this time of year also comes with a lot of stress (hosting folks from out of town, dealing with family drama, etc.). In fact, according to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 38% of people feel their stress levels increase during the holiday season. Luckily, Monarch Nurse Practitioner Dr. Debbie Granick has some tips for coping.
Lower Your Expectations
Granick suggests in those moments of disappointment, ask yourself if the moment itself is bad or if it’s only bad because you expected something else. “A teen heading out with friends instead of languishing at the dinner table with grandparents isn’t necessarily bad, it’s only bad in comparison to the vision in your head of the extended family playing cards together all night,” she says. “Take a breath. Remind yourself that fighting about it will make it worse. Bid her farewell and nestle in to enjoy the family who is here instead of fuming about who isn’t.”
Prepare Less, Enjoy More
All that time spent preparing is bound to be unrecognized and unrewarded, with the potential to plunge you into a bad mood—or even worse, an ugly tantrum. So cut back on your to-do list. “Do only what you most need and want to feel festive—and not a drop more,“ Granick suggests. ”No cleaning out coat closets when you can toss coats on the bed. Don’t clean the carpets; people won’t notice. Relax and enjoy your own party.” Odds are, they’re so thrilled to not be hosting at their own house that they will be very accepting of yours!
Carve Out a Little Time for Yourself
You only see these folks once a year, so you feel obligated to spend every moment together, but the truth is, you don’t have to. Allow yourself to recharge, take a walk or a long shower. That one hour to yourself will make all that togetherness more tolerable.
Stop Trying to Please Everyone
That mother-in-law or aunt who never seems satisfied will never be satisfied—so stop trying. We waste valuable energy on the few friends or family members who are high maintenance and unhappy. Hold back. Let them figure out how to make the holidays work for them. If they’re not happy, there was nothing lost. They weren’t going to be happy anyway—and at least they didn’t bring you down with them.
4 wellness retreats in NC to help meet that annual New Year’s resolution
As the clock strikes midnight Dec. 31, millions of Americans will vow to follow a healthier lifestyle (after cheersing with that bottle of bubbly, natch). Whether that means physical or mental health (or both!), several retreats throughout the state are here for it—making it easier to stick to that resolution (practice makes perfect). Here are four best-in-class wellness retreats within a four-hour drive of Raleigh that’ll help you reach those 2023 #goals. This is your year!
Skyterra Wellness Retreat Pisgah Forest Jump-start change, build new habits and improve your overall health at this award-winning intimate wellness retreat surrounded by the awe-inspiring Blue Ridge Mountains, the Pisgah National Forest and the French Broad River that touts core pillars like self-care and stress-management, weight loss, fitness and mobility, nutrition, recreation and adventure, and yoga and mindfulness. With 80+ activities from which to choose during your stay—think trail walks, culinary demos, therapy, spa services and more—you’re free to customize your retreat based on your personal goals. Just think of it as a vacation for your health! skyterrawellness.com
Prama Institute & Wellness Center Marshall Satiate your body and your mind through Prama’s signature juice cleanse and wellness retreats. Not your average juice cleanse, this program includes a specially arranged juice cleanse and detox that helps improve digestive health, flush out toxins and reenergize your body (while promising to keep you full, natch), paired with yoga and meditation classes, spa treatments, and private counseling sessions. The wellness center also features a sauna for some still but steamy downtime—or, for active types, 120 acres of hiking trails for those looking to, well, take a hike. It’s all about balance! Dec. 7–11, Jan. 11–15, prama.org
The Art of Living Retreat Center Boone According to this Western NC wellness center, the art of living well is all about prioritizing rest and relaxation (now that’s a MO we can get behind!). You can literally choose to do nothing at all, or participate in a variety of life-enhancing workshops and activities designed to reduce stress, increase mental focus, revive your senses and strengthen your overall well-being. Move your body via fitness classes like yoga, Zumba or Pilates; soothe your mind through meditation and breathing classes; express your creativity by taking a painting, pottery or cooking class; or legit chill. We’ll take one of everything, please. artoflivingretreatcenter.org
The Phoenix Retreat Asheville It’s easy to rise like a phoenix at this stunning 46-acre retreat tucked away in the AVL mountains, what with its nature-focused experiences like hiking, yoga and fitness classes. (Name a better way to clear your mind than a walk in the woods—we’ll wait.) The resort’s signature program, Phoenix Fire, includes a full week of mind + body restoration that’s designed to address the foundations of lasting wellness: fitness, nutrition, rehabilitation and mindfulness. And in addition to those fulfilling activities, you’ll also be treated to massages, locally sourced vegan meals and luxury accommodations—because who said you can’t better yourself while treating yourself? phoenixwellnessretreat.com
There’s been over 500 mass shootings in the U.S. this year alone—an alarming number of which are committed by minors. In the peril of such ubiquitous tragedy, many people are left wondering why? What drives someone to commit such a major act of violence? And what can we do to actually help them—and help prevent the next tragedy?
Since the start of the pandemic in March 2020, 46% of parents say their teen (ages 13–18) has shown signs of a new or worsening mental health condition. How this data can escalate played out in our city last month. Arguably anyone who commits a mass shooting is clearly dealing with a mental health crisis. It’s not enough to simply acknowledge the struggle—how do we start to recognize a crisis before it becomes a tragedy? We sat down with Dr. Barbara-Ann Bybel, director of psychiatric services at UNC Medical Center in Chapel Hill and UNC WakeBrook in Raleigh, to discuss what signs to watch for, how you should approach a person in crisis and more.
What are the warning signs a young person is struggling with mental illness?
Everybody has bad days; it’s more looking for a pattern. You’re definitely looking for changes, maybe with sleeping, changes with appetite or struggling to do schoolwork.
What if someone is verbalizing self-harm or threats?
If someone’s making statements like, ‘Oh, I might as well just kill myself,’ that really shouldn’t just be shrugged off as teenage drama. That’s not a healthy thing to say, and it really needs to be more deeply explored.
How should you approach a teen you’re concerned about?
Access to services is hard for everyone, but minors can’t pick up the phone and make their own appointment—they need their parent or guardian to advocate to get them therapy or have them seen by a professional. It’s the most important thing to ask them straight out if they’ve ever felt so upset they thought about hurting themselves—and be totally nonjudgemental, empathic and accepting. You should praise them for talking about it because, unfortunately, there still is so much stigma—a lot of times people are ashamed and don’t want to talk about it and think something’s wrong with them. But there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
If you think someone is a danger to themselves or someone else, what should you do?
At school, talk to a guidance counselor or teacher. … For parents, if you’re concerned about one of your child’s friends, reach out to their parents. In an extreme crisis, like your child is actively trying to hurt themselves, call 911 or get them to the ER.
What are some warning signs of depression in yourself?
A keyword is hopelessness—or if you’re not feeling joy. If you’re feeling like ‘maybe I used to be happy, but now nothing makes me happy anymore,’ definitely talk to a trusted adult. And there’s a new (free) national suicide hotline: 988.
Raleigh Magazine sat down with Marie Osmond to talk motherhood, mental health and finding hope amid hardship.
Just a few weeks ago, an eighth-grader hanged himself in a Wake County middle school—and it’s certainly not the only instance of a suicide by a school-aged child across the country this year. There’s no question that mental health is a nationwide crisis. The stats are staggering, with nearly 1 in 5 Americans living with a mental illness, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
Leading the fight locally is Foundation of Hope founder and Angus Barn owner Van Eure by “investing in groundbreaking scientific research and mental health initiatives.” Its annual Evening of Hope charity dinner and auction in September featured award-winning singer, actress and mental health advocate Marie Osmond as its 2022 guest speaker—and Raleigh Mag got the honor of chatting with her before the event.
Osmond has been a huge player in spearheading the conversation about mental health. She’s talked at length about her battle against bulimia and anorexia, and was the first celebrity to pen a book detailing her experience with postpartum depression. She’s also been at the forefront of destigmatizing mental health and depression—and fighting to raise awareness—after losing her 18-year-old son to suicide a little over a decade ago.
“Depression is depression is depression,” says Osmond. “It feels the same however it is put into your life, and for somebody who has always been able to find something to laugh about or some reason to be positive, I couldn’t find that—and it was terrifying.”
While mental illness is remarkably common in adolescents—and adults for that matter—it can be hard to diagnose. Osmond urges parents to listen to their children, especially with many dealing with coming out of isolation from the pandemic. “Listening is a really important thing,” she says. “I know with the issues facing the world, our children are dealing with some big issues.”
Both Osmond and the Foundation of Hope believe just talking about mental illness is a significant way to fight rising mental health issues and suicide rates. “I believe by sharing, we stop competing—and we start completing,” says Osmond. “We all go through similar things in life, and it’s nice to know you’re not alone.” walkforhope.com
Raleigh Police Chief Estella Patterson discusses the challenges and achievements of her first year at the helm.
Aug. 12, 2022, marked Chief Estella D. Patterson’s one-year anniversary as Raleigh’s 30th police chief. She came here with a vision of making “Raleigh the safest city in America.” In a year marked by a waning pandemic and rapid return to “real life,” rising local gun violence and a concentrated focus on police pay, much has happened since Chief Patterson’s swearing in. In her sit-down with Raleigh Magazine, we talked about violent crime, police pay, the officer shortage—plus bringing nobility back to the police profession.
“Everything we’re doing as a department falls into one of these three buckets, And we’ve made advancements in all three, but there’s still a lot of work to be done.”
—Chief Estella D. Patterson
Violent Crime
“We are still striving toward Raleigh being the safest city,” says Patterson. While she acknowledges the uptick in violent crime, she clarifies that in her Q2 media rounds she publicly updated that “we’ve seen violent crime go up, but we’re seeing it go back down.” In January this year, we were up 13% in violent crime over last year. We are now still up slightly, but trending down at 4%. “Which is awesome,” she says, “and I credit that to the intentionality of really focusing on our violent crime and then also to the partnerships that we have created, like with the U.S. Attorney’s Office.” Clearly federal cases don’t resolve quickly, so “that partnership is huge,” she says, adding to that RPD’s close work with the District Attorney’s office via a frequent roundtable to review the city’s most violent crime offenders and ensuring those cases stick and get the most significant charges.
Salary, Recruitment + Retention
“I think a fair compensation for where we live would be to start our officers at least at $60,000,” says Patterson. “I truly believe the capital city should be higher than anybody else.”
However, she’s grateful Raleigh City Council approved police raises, effective July 30, 2022, bumping new officers from an abysmal $42,300 to $50,301—a jump that, at first sight, may look impressive. But much is at play here. While a ~19% raise is nothing to balk at—and makes major strides in helping to fill the roughly 125 vacancies (~15% of the police force—down from 21% in April)—that salary remains outpaced by other agencies in Wake County and across North Carolina.
While there’s still a gap, the chief is keen on highlighting opportunities RPD has to offer that aren’t afforded elsewhere—think take-home cars, serving as canine and motorcycle officers, or on SWAT or crash investigation teams. But Pattersonisn’t resting on her laurels. “We’ll keep fighting to get more,” she says. “We have to be more competitive than what we are now.”
Raleigh Police Foundation
One of Patterson’s proudest accomplishments has been achieving her goal to start a police foundation in Raleigh. Modeled after Charlotte’s foundation, the Raleigh Police Department Foundation (RPDF, raleighpolicefoundation.org) is comprised of a set of stakeholders who provide financial support and advocacy. After a premiere board meeting in early July, led by board chair and “huge PD supporter” Brenda Gibson, “our foundation is full steam ahead,” says Patterson. Beyond connecting NC’s two major metropolises, the foundation provides extraordinary support for our officers by making high-dollar purchases and equipment needs RPD wouldn’t be able to make within its current budget, she explains.
Noble Calling
As we approach 9/11, emotions and images flood to mind—including the now ubiquitous photo of first responders raising a flag from the rubble. And while we continue to say “never forget”… have we forgotten? Have we forgotten the gratitude, veneration and admiration we felt for the heroes who ran toward known peril, destruction, debris and devastation? In our sit-down with Chief Estella Patterson, we asked her what she thinks it will take to return to a time when police were trusted and respected. “We have to put the nobility back in,” she says. “I think that has been lost. We have to reinstill the ideal that any profession where you’re serving your community or country is noble.” Patterson points out the disparity in media coverage, implying it is part of the problem. “We had that big incident in April where our officers were shot at in the middle of the day, and that didn’t get a lot of media attention because they’d rather talk about us shooting somebody and killing somebody rather than us being shot at,” says Patterson candidly. “But those are the kinds of things our officers are facing on a daily basis. I just ask the public to continue to support the men and women that do this work. It’s a tough job. It’s going to get tougher every single day. We can’t fix it by ourselves,” she says. “We’re gonna need community support in order to do that.”
