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Don’t ever text someone ‘k’—and other ways to get along in a postmodern society.
Miss Manners meets New York Magazine’s The Cut a la hypermodern etiquette when the publication-on-the-pulse put out a modern manners list of sorts that got the world talking—from MSN to the UK’s The Guardian to, naturally, the internet.
“Do You Know How to Behave? Are You Sure?” queries the punchy headline, subtitled with the call to action: “How to text, tip, ghost, host and generally exist in a polite society today.” Essentially, in a fast-paced, tech-driven, bot-friendly society, “the ways we socialize and date, commute and work are nearly unrecognizable from what they were three years ago.” Facts.
And in those trio of short years alone, we’ve come head-to-head with a pandemic; social, cultural, workforce and literal warfare; the proliferation of social media; and so much more… all of which has moved the needle faster than our minds or wallets can pace or comprehend—NTM the AI takeover.
To the rescue are 194 tips amassed and vetted by The Cut—with guest picks from celebs and socialites like artist Laila Gohar and actress Amy Sedaris and socialite/mag editor Lauren Santo Domingo—running the gamut from lessons on friends & lovers (“You may callously cancel almost any plans up until 2pm”) and strangers to going out and hermiting in to work life, the city, parenting; and, of course, posting and texting (oof).
And the list got us thinking… (*in our best Carrie Bradshaw voice*): In a society that’s becoming ever more casual, are there certain rules we must abide by to avoid social upheaval?
- Don’t ever message someone “k.” (It’s the text equivalent of “I hate you.”)
- You may callously cancel almost any plans up until 2pm. (We feel so liberated.)
- If someone starts telling you a story you’ve heard before, you have two seconds to tell them. (Though we argue it should be more like 10 seconds!)
- The proper response to being told something you already know isn’t “I know.” It’s “You’re right.” (Don’t be a know-it-all)
- Listening is not the time for you to silently rehearse what you want to say next. (Say less)
- Go on, take the last bite. (We’d say go for the “gentlemen’s bite,” aka the second to last one—less rude.)
- Hot gossip goes only in the voice memo, never in text. (Some next-level Inspector Gadget ish)
- Whoever put the most work into planning the trip gets first dibs on rooms […] whether single or a couple. (It’s like the story about the hen who made all that bread with no help.)
- If you’ve met someone and they clearly don’t remember your name, say, “Hi, we’ve met, I’m X.” (Let’s be real, y’all.)
- Don’t talk shit about your baby. (You know it’s your baby, right?)
- There are three things never to gossip about at work: someone crying; someone getting yelled at; a private phone call you overheard. (Keep your thoughts to yourself.)
- It’s OK to ghost after one date. (Houdini who?) … But… if you ghost someone, stay gone forever.
- Ask if someone wants advice or just wants to vent. (Venting is therapy.)
- Still, the historical mandate is hard-coded into most people and should be considered: If you’re penetrating, you pay. (It’s just the hard truth)
- Never answer a compliment with a compliment. (Thank you.)
- Don’t be loudly naïve about dating apps if you’re in a relationship. (There’s a lot of pee in the dating pool—and a whole site dedicated to outing local losers.)
- When casually asked how you are, say “Good!” (Save your real feelings for your therapist.)
- Never ask anyone what their job is. (Why?)
- If there’s no dress code, tell your guests what you’re wearing—and then actually wear it. (It’s a thing)
- If you like them, text people within three hours of hanging out with them. (Friends, fam, your date…)
- Leaving negative comments says more about you… (How do you even have the time?!)
- Sit down and respond to an email, even if it’s a year late. (Better late than never, right?!)
- While on a date, if… you’re talking a lot, ask yourself, When was the last time I asked a question? (Dating is a two-way street, people!)
- Make tipping your extravagance. (30%!)
- Actually, it’s great to talk about the weather. (!)
- Don’t comment on other people’s food. (You’re not eating it.)
- If you’re going to a small party, do not arrive on time. It’s rude. (Seriously, be late.)
- You don’t have to heart-react DMs or comments that don’t require a proper response. (Save yourself the time/energy.)
- If your host is doing the dishes, it means you’re supposed to leave. (Or just get a doormat that says “Please leave by 9.”)
- Don’t buy a gift off-registry. (Just overheard at the bar…)
- Don’t ask people what their star sign is upon meeting them (or ever). (We are not astrology gals.)
- On a date, all individuals present should gently and politely compete to pay the entire bill. (We typically just offer to go half and half.)
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