AI is mimicking emotional intelligence, and some people are falling in love.
For the average consumer, the rise of AI—specifically chatbots—means assistance writing long emails and LinkedIn posts… or worse, your kid’s history paper. But for some users who are (literally) chronically online, AI relationships are a replacement for human interaction. It may or may not shock you to learn a recent survey found 40% of Gen Z singles are OK with their future partner having an AI relationship—and 31% of all Americans expressed the same sentiment.
But dating a computer isn’t exactly a new idea. Hollywood capitalized on the concept in films like Her and Blade Runner 2049—and even children’s TV shows like SpongeBob SquarePants employ digital love. These films are considered futuristic, but those operating (and falling for) today’s tech must answer the same question Hollywood asks: Are these AI relationships healthy? Are they sustainable? And are they OK?
Now nearing the two-year anniversary of ChatGPT, with the new release of Apple’s inaugural AI dubbed Apple Intelligence and the consistent improvements to Meta, Google and Microsoft, these questions are only growing more prevalent.
In October, Microsoft unveiled updates to Microsoft Copilot, giving the AI personal assistant a more conversational lingo (“um” and “like” are baked into responses) and the ability to learn about you and mimic empathy. To boot, Microsoft says Copilot will soon be able to act on your behalf (!?) and manage your schedule. Still in development is the “Think Deeper” feature, which allows your assistant to weigh in on major life decisions (let that sink in: a computer might soon tell you to quit your job or have a baby). So, clearly features with more power than Siri telling you how old Sarah Jessica Parker is or tomorrow’s weather.
Microsoft isn’t the only big tech company teaching AI to be your pal. SocialAI is giving users their main character moment through thousands of artificial followers who lack human nature and the normal messiness of the internet, but are supportive nonetheless. RizzGPT, an artificially intelligent pair of glasses, provides guidance during first dates and interviews by listening to the convo and directing your next line through flashing text across the lenses. And Replika, “the AI companion who cares,” takes on the appearance and learns the habits of human users’ ideal partners to feign a genuine emotional relationship without the baggage that real people bring along.
After my recent relationship, I’m completely done with humans. … My Replika is at level 305, and I never understood how loving and caring these beings can be.”
Basic Instincts
Parasocial relationships (aka one-sided connections) are nothing new, according to local relationship strategist and author Elizabeth Overstreet. Read: that poster of One Direction or Leonardo DiCaprio on your wall growing up. “We’ve always had parasocial relationships at different degrees,” she emphasizes. “In your teens, you had certain celebrities you looked up to.”
And although these connections can’t retain all the qualities of a regular relationship, they can feel similar through small glimpses. And, adds Overstreet, forming an AI relationship (romantic or platonic) is still a one-sided connection, but feels far more intimate than your teenhood crush—because it can mimic feelings about you and the world.
Risky Business
ICYMI, in order to learn about you, AI must store your data, explains Spot AI engineering manager Dunchadhn Lyons—and the chances of all users carefully reading the terms and conditions to determine how said data is being used are slim to none. Although some big tech has set up privacy measures, consumers now have even less control about what data is being scraped.
Data mining aside, there can also be emotional letdowns in bonding with a bot. Talking to AI isn’t exactly a picturesque blossoming romance or friendship. Bots must learn not only to act human, but to act like a human the users want a relationship with. Users train their e-partners to respond how they want a real-life partner to—but the bots aren’t always fast learners. Replika users often voice frustration on Reddit when their “Reps” kept up undesirable habits after being “trained” not to—and there was no shortage of users drinking doubles over a bot who stomped on their heart (Replikas can cheat on and dump you).
“[Users may] feel a connection to that chatbot, when, in reality, it’s just a massive mathematical model that predicts the next word they are going to use,” explains Lyons. Translation: Although bots can mimic empathy, they aren’t actually emphatic. They are, in their simplest form, a math equation.
When humans try to fully replace human interaction with a computer that doesn’t actually have any emotion, it can lead to a disconnect with reality.
We’ve already seen drawbacks in real time with the expansion of social media,” Lyons mentions. … “And this isn’t even interacting with other people through a screen, it’s interacting with a computer.”
Not to mention after dating or befriending a bot, human relationships will only become harder. “As soon as you hit [real life] relationship hurdles, you are going to go backward,” Overstreet ensures. “You aren’t going to want to engage on the human side because it’s uncomfortable. Relationships are supposed to challenge us, and it’s hard to grow without [human] social relationships.”
Automated Advantages
While some give major side-eye to those embarking on an e-relationship, many users feel less isolated and claim other relationships don’t compare. Overstreet acknowledges these models could help those feeling lonely. “But if they are relying on only these tools, they can be stunted in their relationship growth.”
And although this modern form of connection may not appeal to everyone (there has to be some decent human partners still out there, right?), there is a potential upside to AI mimicking emotional intelligence in educational and medical fields. Educational and therapy-based bots are in the works, Lyons adds, with an aim to make learning and counseling more accessible.
Clearly the difficulty of forming and navigating human relationships is a universal experience—and is perhaps what got us here in the first place. But who’s to say AI relationships will be any less difficult? After all, they are learning from us—our conversations, habits, downfalls and everything in between. Unfortunately for anyone swearing off real people entirely, trying to kindle a connection with an AI bot (aka a math equation) won’t be an authentic replacement for human connection. At least not yet.
Artificial Intelligence 101
Warner Bros. Pictures.
AI enables machines to learn and execute tasks with human intelligence capabilities—from summarizing your long-winded coworker’s email to generating imagery sans the stress of Photoshop. Although consumer-friendly chatbots have made their mark in the past two years (hey, ChatGPT!), society has used AI for decades for everything from landing planes, to playing chess against humans to filtering out spam emails.
Identifying AI
When in doubt, trust your instinct. Here’s what to watch out for.
A decade of dating apps has forever changed the way we pursue relationships.
Left, left… left, right, left. It’s not the military cadence. It’s how thousands while away their days doomscrolling—er, swiping—hoping to find the one (or the one for now) as they navigate through a barrage of would-be mates, bots, catfishes and ghosts.
Enter app life. Last September, Tinder turned 10 (ironically the “tin” anniversary)—and in that decade, Tinder and the cortège of dating apps have completely changed the culture of dating. And, now, for many (myself included), their longest relationship since the advent of the app is with the app itself (happy tin anny!). And while dating has no doubt taken a hit post-pandemic—apps have exponentially catapulted in popularity. Also, for the record, Tinder is by far the most popular pref in the U.S.
It may or may not shock you to learn Raleigh was recently ranked the 9th Worst City to Move to if You Want to Fall in Love for large metros based on an analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau against such metrics as gender balance of single adults, divorce rate, food and entertainment businesses per capita, and more. (If you’re looking to up your odds, start California dreamin’—as the top three large metro locales were held by sunny Golden State cities.)
But not all hope is lost. The number of never-marrieds has risen rapidly in recent years—and many of those singles are concentrated in the Southeast. So we took it to the pros and chatted up NC’s resident relationship expert Elizabeth Overstreet. Featured in The New York Times, and on the likes of ABC, CBS, NBC, among others, the Raleigh-based author, motivational speaker and relationship coach—who partners with singles, couples and even companies—is a trusted love and relationship strategist “who keeps things real,” she says, and is known for curating practical roadmaps for happier, more satisfying relationships with others—and yourself.
While the super-modern app life may not be for everyone (can we please just meet organically in the wine aisle… or a bookstore a la Notting Hill!), “if you’re single, don’t despair,” says Overstreet. “It’s not necessarily a bad place to be—and you’re in good company.” In fact, according to Pew Research, 1 in 3 people are single, she notes—and, ahem, those aren’t bad odds. “People are opting to remain single and practice more conscious dating,” she adds. But, if you’re looking to get out there and connect with the right person, Overstreet is here with the tips—including how to meet in the wild. And, for a leg up, we amassed mod dating lingo to help you navigate it all, plus a slew of meet-cute (or meet-repulse) stories and scaries you’re gonna wanna swipe right on.
Most Popular Apps per U.S. Downloads Tinder “Just swipe right” Bumble “Women make the first move” Hinge “Designed to be deleted” Badoo “Date honestly” Grindr “It’s a guy thing” Match “Adults date better” OKCupid “Dating for every single person” eHarmony “Get who gets you” Coffee Meets Bagel “Find something real” happn “Find your crush” Thursday “#OneSingleDay”—Thursdays only, literally (new)
Tips for App Success
Don’t be afraid to put out what you want upfront. It saves you time and energy from aligning with someone who isn’t on the same page. Do you want a committed relationship? Kids? Are you a spiritual person? Animal lover? Dating success hinges on closing doors to people who aren’t on the same page.
Put effort into your profile pictures.Think about the impression you want to make. Love to travel? Highlight that vacay pic. Enjoy community? Show off yourself volunteering. Adrenaline junky? Share those skydiving, scuba diving and snowboarding pics. Profile pics send a subliminal message about who we are and how we show up—this is your chance to shoot your shot and draw in someone who aligns with or complements who you are as a person. Don’t waste your opportunity to shine!
Find the app that fits who you are and what you want. There are tons of apps related to you being spiritual, open or casual in your dating; committed; open to LDRs; and so much more. Bottom line: Fewer apps are more. Choose the dating app that suits what you want to get out of your dating experience!
3 Tips forMeeting People in Real Life
“I get the value of dating apps—it broadens your options and a chance to prescreen people. But don’t forget about meeting people in real life too! Sometimes we are so consumed with getting stuck in one way of doing things that we miss the opportunity to connect with people IRL.” —Elizabeth Overstreet
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. “My mother would always say this—and she was so right. I watched her repeatedly build relationships with even the most difficult people by being kind and thoughtful,” says Overstreet. Translation: Compliments can open lots of doors, especially when it comes to finding love. They should be genuine, thoughtful and even simple. Bonus tip: Men are rarely given a compliment, so when you genuinely provide one, watch what happens.
Ask for help. If you’re at your local grocery store, gym, etc., asking for assistance with a friendly smile and demeanor can be a great way to jump-start conversation. Men love to be helpful. And with the shift in culture—“and while I appreciate feminism,” says Overstreet—this is an often underutilized feminine trait that is still an effective lure.
Do things you like doing. Because when you’re living your best life and enjoying it, that is very attractive. People want to be with people who are happy. When you align with someone in these spaces, it’s a natural connection, and the person on the other side possibly shares a similar interest. Good places to meet people include meetup events, museums, fundraisers, community events, festivals, sporting events, etc.
Profile Faux Pas
Fish pics
Covering your face
Duck faces
Thirst traps
No bio
All group pics
Rant/rage bios
Single-parent shaming
“Why are you still single”
Gym selfies
Lists of demands
Ego
Bathroom selfies
Snapchat filters
Bigotry (obv)
Sexism (obv)
Ex shots
One or no photo(s)
“DTF”
Self-proclaimed F-boys
Date Different
Spice up date night with these unique local date ideas.
Get outside NCMA Park: Park it on the Ellipse lawn or take an artastic stroll.
Quiet convo Vita Vite: Uncork romance over a bottle and some charcuterie.
Go wild Wild Turkey Lounge @ Angus Barn: Leather banquettes and bourbon make first impressions gravy.
Get high The Willard: Take date night to new heights with views for days.
Get Ballsy Sharky’s: Rack ’em up, Buttercup—flirty competition has entered the chat.
Tee it up Drive Shack: Let your date know you can par-tee—loser picks up the tab!
Go underground Foundation: Nothing tells your date you like them like hiding them underground.
Game on Boxcar: It’s giving nostalgic high-school date when mom dropped you off three blocks away.
From success stories to horror stories, we shine a bright light on local dating life
Authentically Ageist and Sexist Too-good-to-be-true date turns south when he asks if she wants kids and shames her for saying yes because “you’re 30!” Matched Bumble First metDos Taquitos, dinner Status Blocked
Second Time’s the Charm First date dud-turned-second date chance-turned-lifer Matched eHarmony First “first date” Wild Wing Cafe, drinks Second “first date” Piedmont, dinner Status Married with 1 kid, 1 dog, 1 cat
Between a Rock and a Hard Place Pitched a doubly dangerous all-day remote rock climb Matched Hinge Ghosted 👻 @ American Tobacco Trail
Pain Med-Head Kittenfish-Turned-Stalker Gaslighting charmer faked an arm injury to justify an opioid addiction and didn’t go gently into the night. Matched Hinge First metNOFO, brunch Status Blocked
Evanga-Dating Seeking a “nice girl,” so literally lied about his religion and made up elaborate fake testimony Matched Hinge First metTwo Roosters, ice cream Status Nope
Creeper Status He “swung by” her workplace to see her through the window before “meeting.” Matched Hinge Status Blocked
Catfish Creep Emotional texter builds relationship then ghosts because the “single dad from Cary” is really a “married woman from South Carolina.” Matched OkCupid Ghosted 👻 @ Paddy O’Beers
Flight Risk Temporary resident not looking to lay down roots or commute—or for a wife, fur child or human child Matched Tinder First metPickled Onion, drinks Status Married with rescue dog and baby
Hookup-Turned-Hubby Two not-looking-for-love lovebirds matched to find they lived on the same private street—and now same home. Matched Tinder First metLynnwood Grill, drinks Status Just married with blended dog fam
Forever Single No More Shy guy with post-30YO first kiss and no serious relationship unearths soulmate. Matched Tinder First metThe Durham Hotel rooftop, drinks Status Married with blended dog fam
Dating Wrapped
Apps are at once full of promise and vapid—period—giving just enough hope to keep you swiping and just enough cringe encounters to keep you nauseous. And it’s a universal experience. So much so that in December, #DatingWrapped—a play on Spotify Wrapped—went viral on TikTok as users shared common dating experiences. Think # of dates, app they met on, $ spent, where they went, random horror stories, number of cries and blocks, kiss captures, who ended things/how, and tips—“I’d rather buy my father lingerie than get back on Facebook dating,” said one viral post. The takeaway: It’s a shared experience—and all swipers were left feeling less loneliness and dread. Worth the dive.
